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lonelygiraffe's Journal  Its been about 4 months since I've written in my "journal" and let me tell you..things have changed. I'm in love. I met someone on the tailend of the last girl and she's blwom me away like no one before. She means everything to me. My schoolwork has taken priority over my life like never before. I'm actually loving what I am learning. I want to add a Philosophy minor. It'll be alot of work but I'm genuinly excited about it. I'm one year from graduating and it's scary to think about all I have to do over the next year. I've decided on Law School/ M.A. program so I can one day go on to be a professor. This thought excites me. I keep drifting toward being an atheist and it's an interesting sensation. well I'll update more but for now this is good. I have seen peace. I have seen pain, Resting on the shoulders of your name. Do you see the truth through all their lies? Do you see the world through troubled eyes? And if you want to talk about it anymore, Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder, I'm a friend. I have seen birth. I have seen death. Lived to see a lover's final breath. Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright? Is the fire of hesitation burning bright? And if you want to talk about it once again, On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder. You're a friend. You and I have been through many things. I'll hold on to your heart. I wouldn't cry for anything, But don't go tearing your life apart. I have seen fear. I have seen faith. Seen the look of anger on your face. And if you want to talk about what will be, Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder, I'm a friend. And if you want to talk about it anymore, Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder, I'm a friend. Current mood: Heartbroken. Current music: James Blunt - Cry. Well its going to be a new semester and all things considered I feel optimistic. I have a grasp on what I need to do and am glad I have certain things put taken care of. I need a job, money is sparse. I need to get the good grades. I need to cut back on the extra curricular acctivivies I think. I wanna slow the drinking down and work out more too. I its a new year and a new semester, I'm allowed to lie to myself. I'm know what I need to do with the girl. Be her friend and not act like an idiot (beyond what she is used to) All in all its good to be back. I missed my friends and I missed being in class. Here to a good year. Current mood: Heartbroken. Current music: I'm Lost Without You - Blink 182. Tears and Rain By James Blunt How I wish I could surrender my soul; Shed the clothes that become my skin; See the liar that burns within my needing. How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold. How I wish I had screamed out loud, Instead I've found no meaning. I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain. How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind; Hold memory close at hand, Help me understand the years. How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell. How I wish I would save my soul. I'm so cold from fear. I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain, All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray. I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble. Far, far away; find comfort in pain. All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble. It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain. Current mood: Heartbroken. Current music: Tears and Rain - James Blunt. For the past weeks I have been silently hinting that I have had feelings for someone and I was going to try something. I'm not going to say who, that person knows and I think in the end is what I wanted. I gambled and I didn't lose per se. I just didn't win. The week before break I was working on three things, finals, a poem and a letter. I got done with finals early. I've never more energy into two peices of paper in my life. The poem was first, it had to convey what I felt. It had to let her know exactly what she was to me and most importantly I just think she needed to get something written about her that was inspired by her beauty. The letter was something similar. It basically conveyed how I felt and what she meant to me. It was me venting in a sense and lord knows I needed it, but goddamn if I have ever written something more heartfelt. I haven't. I put every ounce of positive energy I could into that letter, I rewrote it seven times. every word had to be perfect and say it purely and honestly. I have never been more honest. The act of handing someone a piece of paper that bares your soul to them, opening yourself like that... I have never been as terrified. She has written me since and we have talked. She appreciated how I felt but cannot return the feelings. I know things could of gone better but atleast I have not entirely ruined what we did have. Who knows. I will this coming semester. Current mood: Heartbroken. Current music: James Blunt - Goodbye my Lover. I have sat at my comp staring at a gamble I am going to take and risk everything. I am terrified. I cannot be myself if I do nothing. I pray this one time I get a winning hand, God that is all I want for Christmas, this is all I will ever ask of you again. Please. I can only hope and act. The Bible never mentions things like this... Current mood:  determined.Current music: Samson - Regina Spektor.
Current mood:  annoyed.
I think I broke my Livejournal...good I hate livejournal and everyone on it..everyone. Especially you. Current mood:  accomplished.Current music: Incubus - Out from Under.
Dark as the Ace of Spades I tellz ya!
Hmmm something isnt right here.....
Sensible? HAH!!! bgcolor="#E1E1E1" align=center>Your Personality Profile</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#E1E1E1">  You are dignified, spiritual, and wise. Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself. You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books. You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life. You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world. A good friend, you always give of yourself first.</td></tr></table> I choose Blood cells picture!!!
Am I hideous? Yes and Yes.
Buff and in good shape...oh laugh out loud I do.
Me love you long time.
Daffodil? MEH I say!!!
Why does the monkey have a gun again??
I loves the pie!!
mmmmmmmm Lime...
And with that I have obviously discovered everything I'll ever need to know about me. Current mood:  cheerful.Current music: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica. So we went out and partied it up last night, Luke did not get drunk Luke didn't even get tipsy, which was fine it was what he wanted and it seemed like he had fun I guess. I on the other hand did just fine. I was obviously not thinking straight because I tossed my keys to Luke and ran off with the boys, fun times. I've been slacking on the writing in the journal, helps me keep sane I guess, even though I'd hardly call my life difficult right now. Maybe that explains the whole lack of writing. I guess thats good. Takin life easy when I know I should be workin alittle harder but I just can't give too much of a shit right now. I guess I have to start worrying about lawschool here pretty soon, I've decided to go that route because I will make the most money, and I want money so I can have a family that will never worry about money. Take the significant other to places she'd wanna go, Paris, Italy, and mayb China that'd be nice. I wanna travel more and more, I wanna be able to take my Mom out to nice restaruants. I guess if I wanna do all those things I need to get working on my homework, so I can get to Lawschool. :/ Lame. Current mood:  mellow.Current music: Put Your Lights On - Santana and Everlast.. |
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